


Call You Maybe

by Rebldomakr



Series: Barbarians [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: About Sammy, Angst, M/M, SO, Thinking, i think this counts as angst, idk how tagging works, nearly all of these characters are only mentioned, this is just Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5007238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebldomakr/pseuds/Rebldomakr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four years ago, Sam left in a storm of rumors and mothers gossiping about how bad 'that' Winchester went. Dean hates the bastard who took his brother, but he hates himself even more for letting him his brother slip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Call You Maybe

Dean was four years old when his baby brother entered the worlds. Even as a baby, Sammy had the brightest smile in the entire world. At first Dean hadn't liked him, he didn't like sharing a mom and dad, but before long he was sure he loved his brother more than his parents did. His pretty eyes that always seemed to be changing colors, from pretty green with specks of brown to a blue-grey with a ring of hazel around his pupil.

Their mother, Mary, died when Sam was barely a year old in a car crash. It came to Dean to raise his brother, as their father John worked from six am to four pm and drunk and drunk until he was either passed out in the bar, or somewhere in the house. Dean didn't care, he still had his brother. He taught his brother how to read and write before he even entered preschool, proud when Sam became even smarter than his big brother.

Sam was twelve, Dean remembers, and he was sixteen when he went down his downhill crash. He should've known better than to let his brother watch him fall. He drank more than his father, slept with anyone willing to spread their legs for him, even got into a few orgies and pornos, and took enough drugs that he could beat Ozzy Osbourne in a competition. He went out of town sometimes, to get his hands on the stuff none of his friends wanted to touch. Meth, mushrooms, acid, crack, bars, pot, heroin, and whatever else he could get his hands on. Turning his brain to mush was the only way to escape that horrible feeling he got in his chest when he wasn't taking something. Sometimes he never even remembered what he did, but Sam would never look at him when he came to.

It lasted a few years before he cleaned himself up. He stopped sleeping around, steadily dated a young girl who moved into town, and worked harder at his job to get better pay. But he guessed it was too late. By then, his mistake led Sam to the Cage where it met Nick fucking Shurley. The bastard who molested his brother- no matter how many times Sam insisted everything they did was consensual, Dean fucking doubted Sam agreed to it at first and that alone should've given him permission to kill the bastard- and introduced him to alcohol. The reason why his brother was rarely ever home.

Dean always thought they were lucky. John never beat them. He was strict, sure, but he never hit them. He didn't how to properly display his emotions for another, but he did love his sons. He was just broken after losing his wife. Dean wondered if he seemed broken without Sam, but Lisa smiled at him and told him it was all A-okay.

Sam left a few years ago. He went to Chicago, saying he was going to the University of Illinois. Him, John, and the entire town believed it until the Cage's ownership was passed onto someone else and Nick Shurley moved to Chicago, too. Dean contacted the University of Illinois just to be sure, but they never even heard of a 'Samuel Winchester'. He tried calling and texting Sam a few times, too, but he never a response. Eventually the number was passed onto someone else, and his contact with his brother was lost completely.

Dean's life is going great, sure it's something he _should_ be happy about, but he can't stop thinking about his baby brother. He'd kill anyone for him. If he ever got the chance, he'd fucking kill Shurley and take his sweet ass time so the bastard could feel enough pain to make up for the years he's taken from Sammy. He had Lisa and the newborn Ben, yeah, but it was impossible for him to not look at his son and think about his brother. His brother, his Sammy, living a life he shouldn't be living. He should be in Harvard or some other Ivy League school on a full ride goddammit, not warming the bed a fucking jackass.

He looked up Nick Shurley exactly two days ago. All the articles that popped up were arrests, failed trials that resulted in dismissals or a low bail, a few mentions of him being a suspect, public records that's stated he's spent a total of three months in total in jail within the last two years, and him hosting charity balls with _Sam_ in his arms. Dean almost punched the computer screen when he saw the bastard touch his Sammy, but what could he even do?

It's his fault Sam's at the place he's at. He was a horrible big brother. He had rather done drugs and have sex than look after his brother, like he was fucking _supposed_ to do, but he failed. He fucking failed. And it's all his fault. It hurts his chest knowing that Sam's life isn't as perfect as it should be. It hurts knowing Sam rather went with a man twice his age to try to find happiness he couldn't find at home. Dean wished he could blame their dad, but that'd be a lie because it's all fucking _him_ and _everyone_ **knows** it. Who couldn't?

Every mistake Sam has every made is because of Dean. He knows it. He hates himself for it. There's no way to atone, only to wait patiently until the day Sam's able to see that he's worth so much more than what he thinks he is, when he realizes that Shurley isn't where he's going to find his lifetime happiness.

And when he comes home, Dean will be here. He'd leave Lisa, he'd leave Ben, he'd leave John, he'd blow up New York-Fucking-City, if Sam told him it'd make him happy. He just has to wait for his brother to come back. He just has to wait.

"Dean! Come on, Ben's about to blow out the candles!"

"Daaddy!"

"Come on, Dean!"

Dean gulps down the last of the gold liquid inside of the dark brown glass bottle, dumping it in the trashcan as he walks back outside. He puts on the brightest smile for Lisa and Ben, trying to pretend there aren't any clouds covering his sun.

**Author's Note:**

> This story isn't really centered around Sam and Lucifer, as my Barbarian 'verse is technically supposed to be, but I came up with this angst mush so I decided to write it before it left.


End file.
